Finding the Right One

Helping folk find the "right one" is big business. Ads for dating and matchmaking services fill the web, TV, and the mails. It is not unusual to see such endeavors openly associate with Christianity or have departments that cater to the faith community. Love and marriage is not only important to us, but to God (and to pastors), so let me offer some advice for those seeking to find that special one to spend a life with.

THERE IS NEVER JUST ONE

As special as you may be, you're not that unique--you're not God. There is no such thing as the one: that is nothing more than a Hollywood fabrication meant to stir the flesh. If this one doesn't produce a love connection, then the next one could or the one after that. Out of 6.3 billion people in the world, I'd have to imagine that at least 100,000 would suit you just fine; that is if you're looking for a spouse, rather than a circus dog who can jump flawlessly through hoops.

         

Picky people end up lonely, get desperate, and then settle for less. Nobody's perfect so don't look for the perfect one for you. Even if someone could meet your standard, what's the likelihood you'd meet theirs? Though not just any one will do, remember that everyone has some annoying habits, and some philosophical disagreements with anyone else. So don't hold a standard that would exclude you if the other party approached this thing like you were or that only God would have a right to.

FIND SOMEONE WHO TRUSTS CHRIST

With rare exceptions, the choice of a mate is ours rather than God's, but we must exercise that freedom in line with Christ. If you and your potential mate do not agree on Christ, how will you be able to agree on a godly course through life? "Converting" in order to marry will not do, because folk will do almost anything to marry their love, even falsely acknowledging Christ. If you downplay or do not mention you allegiance to Christ, or accept a lame conversion by your mate in the selection of a spouse, you are out and out ashamed of Christ and that has no future at all!

FIND SOMEONE WITH A SERVANT'S HEART

Jesus, the mightiest, came to serve and he is the example we emulate. We should look for something of Jesus in our potential someones. Therefore, look for a person who endeavors to serve you; who does not consider it inconvenient to do so; who does not consider it a burden. If a potential mate doesn't want to serve you, plain and simple, he or she does not love you.

Don't be so afraid to not be in a relationship that you endure the boot heel of an unloving potential mate--that's mentally ill! Spouses are meant by God to be complementary companions, which means they help each other. Queens that wish to be pampered and kings that demand to be served are alike unfit for marriage, may they make themselves eunuchs or true widows for life! So be a servant, and look for a servant, if you desire marital bliss.

FIND SOMEONE WITH INTEGRITY IN THE SMALL THINGS

Someone who will cheat in little matters will cheat in the big ones too. That one will cheat on you (I certainly hope you see yourself as a big matter as a spouse)! So look for character, with integrity being the key issue. Don't look for a mate like a loaf of bread: just because it's soft to the touch, smells good, and doesn't look moldy, doesn't mean it must be wholesome.

The Bible never promotes romanticism in finding a mate, (even the Song of Solomon refers to love after marriage). God wants godly parents and godly children. If you want a mate, use your heart for sure, but also your Bible and your head! The lust of the flesh and eyes are no basis to find a suitable mate: no more than is mutual hedonism. Who you find, you give your life to, so pick the right one. Look for someone whose vision for God matches yours.

Some Thoughts on Time and Logic

Anything created has a definite beginning and a potential ending. It is in the nature of being created, it is necessary.  An ultimate creator has neither beginning nor ending, necessarily,  because that one is not created. If that one had either beginning or ending, that one would not be the ultimate creator. The attempt to mandate a created quality for the ultimate creator, such as a beginning and a potential end (as atheist sometimes do in saying "where did God come from?"), is to not understand the necessary qualities of the ultimate creator.

Beginning and ending are time ordinals which only have meaning within the stream of elapsing time. The words have no meaning apart from the reality of time. Therefore, time is not only a dimensional aspect of the created order because Einstein theorized it so and findings afterward verified that; but also because, philosophically, time ultimately is entailed within creation. Time is nothing more than something that passes sequentially between ultimate beginning and (potentially) ultimate ending.

Time is wed to created things: it's locked into initiations and progressions. Time cannot exist substantially where there is no beginning, what would it be? It cannot exist in the realm of the ultimate creator, in the place that is other than creation, or that place, that person, wouldn't be without a beginning. Some theologians have been saying for centuries that God is outside of time--they spoke well; for if time is an attribute or aspect of God, then God is subject to time as is any created thing, and his self-contained existence is undermined.

Logicians can have difficulty with such a concept because of the necessities of order in logic. Some thoughts have to occur before others in sequence. I think that situation is more a consequence of our thoughts and experiences being locked within the created order than it is of any ultimate truth in the realm of the ultimate creator. All that can be truly said, I think, is that logic works that way in our realm of elapsing time. Who among us can know the mind of God?